Do I LoVe yOu??? Friday, Mar 20 2009 

Yes, I fell in love with you.
I am still under your spell.
Yes, I admit it.

Your thoughts, your mind,
Your emotions, your call,
Each one was special to me.
I understood everything.
I knew you in and out.

Our love was so pure
That I fell short to comprehend it.
I took you for granted
And went ahead for the world around.

Now, when I want to come back,
Something is stopping me.
I know you are at the end of the tunnel,
Standing with your arms open for me.
Yet,there lies something inside,
Which isn’t allowing me to run into you.

May be there is a guilt feeling,
Or a feeling of having lost my innocence.
Or a feeling of done stupid things under the charm of my innocence?
And realizing them now…
When you are far away…
I am hurt…
And I have no respite.

Look, now I realize,
How many times I have uttered “I” in these few lines.
It was never “WE”.
It was always “I”.
Never did I look at you.
In spite of falling in love with you,
I pestered my selfish “I”.
Did I fall in love with you?
Or I always kept loving my “I”?

I have no answers.
Only sobs, tears,
And a feeling of loss.
Of losing my “I”.
(Well, I am happy about it),
And of losing you
And of losing “Our Love”, “Our Life”, “Our Dreams”
And Our selves.

———————–

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Passion for poetry…. Sunday, Mar 8 2009 

Guys, last night I read “Gitanjali”, a collection of Rabindranath Tagore’s poems. Unfortunately, I read the translated version 😦 Although what I read was a cut to cut translation, (hence it was in prose), it was an amazing experience. 🙂  This edition had a preface by W.B.Yeats written in 1912. Yeats was amazed at the immense talent, creativity and humility with which each and every word, every alphabet was woven into these poems. Yeats mentions that he always wondered why Tagore is held with so much reverie in his country. When he read his works (of course, translated), he was completely under a spell. Same was my case. Gitanjali transports you to another world, in the true sense of the term. It is a union of your soul with the metaphysical realm, without leaving aside your physical realm. It is about love, loving His beings, his things in whatever form you find them. Tagore pens of each and everyone, each and every thing with so much grace that you fall in love with everything… the skies, the stars, the grass and even the weeds. 🙂

Oh poor me! I again drift away from what I actually wanted to write. I have a friend of mine who is a known Marathi poet. When I had told him of having bought this book for myself (I bought Gitanjali one year ago and read it yesterday 😦 BAd Gurl, I know you must be saying this). He had, then, said, “Tagore is such a noble spirit and his poetry is of so much height that one must read him only in his original texts so as to understand a bit of him.” Being an eternal lazy bee, I just said, “Who’s going to learn Bengali for that? English is something I can understand at sight… so I am content with what I have (the translated version).” Yesterday, after reading some of his poems from Gitanjali, I realized I was wrong. What my friend said was right. If Tagore can keep you spell bound, elated with his translated works, how explosive will be the energy of his original works? How much calm will his pen provide when read in his native tongue? I must say, I am envious of everyone who knows to read, write and speak Bengali. Can someone teach me the language? I want to read the text in the original form? I do not want someone else to interpret the original for me? I do not want the food. I want to learn how to hunt. 🙂

I have known, till date, several people who’ve read loads of books (my collection is close to negligible). At times, I used to wonder how come they have the patience to read so much? I have felt this urge many a times.But never have I put it into practice. After reading Tagore (although in the translated version), I have understood what this thirst really is. Poetry has the capability to move a person from the remotest part of his soul. This is where passion develops and this when you become a good reader… knowing many things, yet oblivious to many.  🙂

Love… Monday, Mar 2 2009 

In those times of lows and those ecstasies of highs, one feeling there was that kept me alive, “Love” as most call it. It is these rejuvenating droplets of the early dew called “Love” that soothed my soul when amidst a dark desert.:)

The best thing about love is that it keeps you engaged for all the time. Every moment, every breath of your life, you only think of your beloved, your love. And during these moments of lovely thoughts, Love teaches many other things as well. Patience, to begin with. Without patience, longing can not be enjoyed. Love is  a complicated feeling that lets you taste the juices of both, the pain of longing and the hope of meeting and melting with the Beloved.

Love makes sure it transforms you into a beautiful human being, close to a celestial one. It keeps you happy and content to such an extent that you are unable to treat anyone with contempt. It carves out the most beautiful sculpture out of you, throwing away all the trash that your nature has.

However, the most heart warming quality of Love is that it makes you and your beloved, an integral part of each others’ personality. You miss him/her, and at the same time, you are sure of the fact that he/she already knows your pains 🙂 Many people believe that your beloved is the one whom you can blindly trust upon, before whom you can express every thought and every feeling that comes to your mind… I believe, a beloved transcends this role…

You can share almost every joy, every sorrow with your closest friend as well. This is not the case with your beloved. Your beloved is inside you, you need not “speak” or “word” any thought or idea that flows through your mind. He/She already knows it. Love makes sure you become a part of your Beloved’s soul and he/she becomes part of you. 🙂

A poem that allowed me no sleep this dawn… Monday, Feb 16 2009 

My soul wanders in search of some calm,
Roams across aimless paths,
At times walks along straight lines,
At times drifts across,
Enters a dark, unknown tunnel,
To find light at the end.
But to no response.
 
My soul wanders like a barking dog,
Eyeing each door, each turn,
With mouth watering expectations,
Barking so that someone will listen.
But loses hope like a puppy does.
 
My soul flies high like an eagle in the noon,
With no respite, bald in the heat,
Changing flights, observing from higher and higher,
Only to find, distance increasing.
 
My soul finds peace
When it comes to your shade.
That is where my pangs find an end.
It is a celestial feeling,
Deeper than the dark of the night,
Cooler than the face of the moon,
Warmer than the kiss of a love,
Peaceful and peaceful.
 
—Mrudgandhaa
16.02.09/04.45 am

Positive Energy… Wednesday, Feb 11 2009 

Recently, I was going through a relatively bad phase of my life, as many say. But, I came out of it in a few days and I am now heading in a completely new direction. Change is for the better! 🙂 And it is true. This failure has taught me a lot and I am really thankful to the person who has put me in this situation. I am also grateful to those who’ve shown their concern towards me, stood by me in this low time and made me stand up again.

In these moments of self revelation, I have eyed myself intently and discovered myself in a new way. Never before this have I come across my potential and observed my limitations so clearly. These “low days” have been my best gift ever. They’ve taught me to see the world and more importantly, myself in a new light. 🙂

Now, when I look back, I feel what an idiot I was. A stupid young lady who used to brood over every single thing and throw tantrums for every other. Will you believe (after reading these lines which reveal a flow of positivity) that I was suffering from major clinical depression? I know it’s hard to believe but you have no choice! 🙂

I found out, lately, what has created this new, vibrant me. It is Positive Energy. It is Positive Energy that people around me have gifted me and it is this same energy which keeps me going these days. So much so that, now, I can understand within a second (consciously), who is sending me positive vibes and who is not. 🙂 The simplest way with which I began, was by asking the other person “How are you?”  If this person says, “I am Great! How do you do?” then stay relaxed, this person is full of positive energy and this energy will fill you with the power that you need to go ahead. However, if you get a reply that begins with all the qualms and problems of this other person’s life, then beware. This person has negative energy and you need to stay away. Or else, this person will send you negative vibes and you may lose your soul in melancholy, just as this other person is. And then you get stuck up and so does your work and so does your progress.

I understand, the first question that rises, asks, “But if a person is fragile at heart? then?” Let me tell you, even I was the same kind. But now I have changed. Once you start gathering positive energy from all ends, you also start becoming one of the sources of positive energy. Your negative energy starts diminishing and your heart becomes stronger. Once the heart, the mind stronger and positive, you never have any negative emotions or qualms towards anything. Tell me your experiences… Awaiting…..