Longing… Tuesday, Mar 2 2010 

The longing to see you
And feel you and live you
Stirs my soul to destruction.

You’ve come my way,
Given me a life,
And then left me alone
On this stony path.

Who will, then, care
To know who I am?
When you have left me
With nothing to say?

All I have now
Is this parched soul
That seeks your respite
And be part of your life.

I search for you
Amidst the hundred faces
That come before me.
And console myself
Saying, You still love me.

These untrue words
Mean nothing to my heart
Which is sure of one thing
That you have disowned me.

——————-

Advertisements

Have to share a thing Monday, Mar 1 2010 

Hey guys,

The last poem that I posted “Waiting for You” came to me after a long long while. In these months when I wasn’t penning my thoughts, it was Love that kept me busy with its thoughts. During these months, when Love kept me engaged, it made me realize the essence of poetry… that Love is a sublime form of poetry, that Love what was makes you live a poem, breathe one and then when you are on the seventh heaven, that’s when a poem comes to you and runs towards a paper… [:)]

Aah, I find it so difficult to express myself. I know what I have written is a mere cluster of words that have no meaning, probably. But, I write all this here so that I feel I have shared the most beautiful feeling with the world! I want to stand at the top of the cliff and say, “YES, I AM IN LOVE!!!”

PS: Well, the thought of Love has made me so mad, I forgot what I had to say. Thanks, people for loving the last poem. [:)]

Do I LoVe yOu??? Friday, Mar 20 2009 

Yes, I fell in love with you.
I am still under your spell.
Yes, I admit it.

Your thoughts, your mind,
Your emotions, your call,
Each one was special to me.
I understood everything.
I knew you in and out.

Our love was so pure
That I fell short to comprehend it.
I took you for granted
And went ahead for the world around.

Now, when I want to come back,
Something is stopping me.
I know you are at the end of the tunnel,
Standing with your arms open for me.
Yet,there lies something inside,
Which isn’t allowing me to run into you.

May be there is a guilt feeling,
Or a feeling of having lost my innocence.
Or a feeling of done stupid things under the charm of my innocence?
And realizing them now…
When you are far away…
I am hurt…
And I have no respite.

Look, now I realize,
How many times I have uttered “I” in these few lines.
It was never “WE”.
It was always “I”.
Never did I look at you.
In spite of falling in love with you,
I pestered my selfish “I”.
Did I fall in love with you?
Or I always kept loving my “I”?

I have no answers.
Only sobs, tears,
And a feeling of loss.
Of losing my “I”.
(Well, I am happy about it),
And of losing you
And of losing “Our Love”, “Our Life”, “Our Dreams”
And Our selves.

———————–

Passion for poetry…. Sunday, Mar 8 2009 

Guys, last night I read “Gitanjali”, a collection of Rabindranath Tagore’s poems. Unfortunately, I read the translated version 😦 Although what I read was a cut to cut translation, (hence it was in prose), it was an amazing experience. πŸ™‚Β  This edition had a preface by W.B.Yeats written in 1912. Yeats was amazed at the immense talent, creativity and humility with which each and every word, every alphabet was woven into these poems. Yeats mentions that he always wondered why Tagore is held with so much reverie in his country. When he read his works (of course, translated), he was completely under a spell. Same was my case. Gitanjali transports you to another world, in the true sense of the term. It is a union of your soul with the metaphysical realm, without leaving aside your physical realm. It is about love, loving His beings, his things in whatever form you find them. Tagore pens of each and everyone, each and every thing with so much grace that you fall in love with everything… the skies, the stars, the grass and even the weeds. πŸ™‚

Oh poor me! I again drift away from what I actually wanted to write. I have a friend of mine who is a known Marathi poet. When I had told him of having bought this book for myself (I bought Gitanjali one year ago and read it yesterday 😦 BAd Gurl, I know you must be saying this). He had, then, said, “Tagore is such a noble spirit and his poetry is of so much height that one must read him only in his original texts so as to understand a bit of him.” Being an eternal lazy bee, I just said, “Who’s going to learn Bengali for that? English is something I can understand at sight… so I am content with what I have (the translated version).” Yesterday, after reading some of his poems from Gitanjali, I realized I was wrong. What my friend said was right. If Tagore can keep you spell bound, elated with his translated works, how explosive will be the energy of his original works? How much calm will his pen provide when read in his native tongue? I must say, I am envious of everyone who knows to read, write and speak Bengali. Can someone teach me the language? I want to read the text in the original form? I do not want someone else to interpret the original for me? I do not want the food. I want to learn how to hunt. πŸ™‚

I have known, till date, several people who’ve read loads of books (my collection is close to negligible). At times, I used to wonder how come they have the patience to read so much? I have felt this urge many a times.But never have I put it into practice. After reading Tagore (although in the translated version), I have understood what this thirst really is. Poetry has the capability to move a person from the remotest part of his soul. This is where passion develops and this when you become a good reader… knowing many things, yet oblivious to many.Β  πŸ™‚

Amidst Nature… Friday, Mar 6 2009 

Yesterday, after a long while (of almost 20 days) (* 1 year back, my physician had declared that I was suffering from “bipolar disorder“… and he had consoled me saying almost all artists suffer from this problem.. in fact,that is a sign of a brilliant creative person). So, back to our story, After a long long while, I experienced blues. Blues because I contemplated on my actions and thought patterns of the recent past and I came to the conclusion that I was absolutely disorganized…. least focused towards my goal…unable to do anything, lethargic… and worst of it, I was feeling hopeless.

Let me disclose something from the core of my heart. You know guys, I believe people who are shallow, who engage in trivial pursuits are the lucky ones. They don’t think too much and so they do not know their limitations or frustrations… of course, they pine for something else (which is most of the times, some materialistic goal) but that’s another story. People like me, who know what they are going through, feel all the more depressed. Sometimes, knowing and understanding your inner mind is a bigger danger than anything else, which is what I most of the times go through. 😦

Anyways, I am not here to talk of the negative vibes that I feel. So… back to my blues. I shared this with one of my chat friends. (This is one advantage of your chat list. The people to whom you open your heart aren’t the ones whom you meet generally. So, you can rest assured that you can be absolutely open about anything that goes on in your mind. Hence, I told him everything.) And he suggested I must go out for a walk or have a nap. The lazy person as I am always, I would have rather chosen the second option. But, to my surprise, I opted for the first.

I went for a walk. πŸ˜‰ Thought, anywhich ways I have lose some extra pounds that I have put on. So, went ahead with a brisk walk to a place where I found nature, full of respite, serene and captivating.

I took my iPod with me, as I didn’t want any human voice to disturb me. I want to be alone, not lonely. πŸ™‚ I listened to those songs which I had heard at least more than 100 times till date. But, yesterday,they sounded different..completely different. I just swayed with the rythm of the songs, the pull of the breeze. Many say, twilight brings gloom and so one musn’t be alone in the evenings. Yesterday, I experienced the opposite. πŸ™‚

I can not word my experience. But I hope you now know what I felt, what I saw, what I heard… listening, eyeing, feeling the breeze… listening, eyeing, feeling nature…. listening, eyeing, feeling the calmer me… πŸ™‚

Love… Monday, Mar 2 2009 

In those times of lows and those ecstasies of highs, one feeling there was that kept me alive, “Love” as most call it. It is these rejuvenating droplets of the early dew called “Love” that soothed my soul when amidst a dark desert.:)

The best thing about love is that it keeps you engaged for all the time. Every moment, every breath of your life, you only think of your beloved, your love. And during these moments of lovely thoughts, Love teaches many other things as well. Patience, to begin with. Without patience, longing can not be enjoyed. Love isΒ  a complicated feeling that lets you taste the juices of both, the pain of longing and the hope of meeting and melting with the Beloved.

Love makes sure it transforms you into a beautiful human being, close to a celestial one. It keeps you happy and content to such an extent that you are unable to treat anyone with contempt. It carves out the most beautiful sculpture out of you, throwing away all the trash that your nature has.

However, the most heart warming quality of Love is that it makes you and your beloved, an integral part of each others’ personality. You miss him/her, and at the same time, you are sure of the fact that he/she already knows your pains πŸ™‚ Many people believe that your beloved is the one whom you can blindly trust upon, before whom you can express every thought and every feeling that comes to your mind… I believe, a beloved transcends this role…

You can share almost every joy, every sorrow with your closest friend as well. This is not the case with your beloved. Your beloved is inside you, you need not “speak” or “word” any thought or idea that flows through your mind. He/She already knows it. Love makes sure you become a part of your Beloved’s soul and he/she becomes part of you. πŸ™‚