Longing… Tuesday, Mar 2 2010 

The longing to see you
And feel you and live you
Stirs my soul to destruction.

You’ve come my way,
Given me a life,
And then left me alone
On this stony path.

Who will, then, care
To know who I am?
When you have left me
With nothing to say?

All I have now
Is this parched soul
That seeks your respite
And be part of your life.

I search for you
Amidst the hundred faces
That come before me.
And console myself
Saying, You still love me.

These untrue words
Mean nothing to my heart
Which is sure of one thing
That you have disowned me.

——————-

Have to share a thing Monday, Mar 1 2010 

Hey guys,

The last poem that I posted “Waiting for You” came to me after a long long while. In these months when I wasn’t penning my thoughts, it was Love that kept me busy with its thoughts. During these months, when Love kept me engaged, it made me realize the essence of poetry… that Love is a sublime form of poetry, that Love what was makes you live a poem, breathe one and then when you are on the seventh heaven, that’s when a poem comes to you and runs towards a paper… [:)]

Aah, I find it so difficult to express myself. I know what I have written is a mere cluster of words that have no meaning, probably. But, I write all this here so that I feel I have shared the most beautiful feeling with the world! I want to stand at the top of the cliff and say, “YES, I AM IN LOVE!!!”

PS: Well, the thought of Love has made me so mad, I forgot what I had to say. Thanks, people for loving the last poem. [:)]

Thinking of you…. Saturday, Aug 22 2009 

Thinking of those gone days
When I was lying in your arms
I, now, feel dejected…

I wish I could continue with that life for ever
I wish our life was the same as we desired
But if wishes had the power…
We wouldn’t have gone away…

I never thought of the world around,
Life meant me and you,
Our aspirations, our dreams,
Our words, our verse,
Nothing was yours,
Nothing was mine.

I was so used to your better self
I could not believe the bitter side
I could not tolerate the other way
And so, one fine day,
I left you and came this way.

Now, when I am far away,
I realize the pang that the heart felt then.
I feel the poetry inside me dying,
I feel my self suffocating.

I wish I could fight myself.
I hurt you so much,
Now, I can not come back
Nor can I ask you to call me.

I only can spend life thinking,
Imagining the warm body of yours,
The cozy embrace,
The poetry that smiled between us,
The verse that took birth
Due to our union…
And the life that I could call “Life”

—————————–

Just wanna say Thanks Tuesday, Mar 24 2009 

Guys, today I saw, after a long while, my readership on wordpress.com. It has risen like never before. 🙂 Thanks to all you guys. Keep reading and I will keep posting. 🙂

These days I am a bit tied up with some work. And yes, of course, my studies. 😦
Though I to read almost anything. The mere fact that I will have to sit and write (during my examinations) is putting my nerves off balance. 😦 I am an absolute lazy baby and I hate appearing for examinations. But, I will have to. 😦

To cut the long story short, I won’t be able to post more often. 😦 keep your love for my posts intact, till I come back as a regular blogger. 🙂

Do I LoVe yOu??? Friday, Mar 20 2009 

Yes, I fell in love with you.
I am still under your spell.
Yes, I admit it.

Your thoughts, your mind,
Your emotions, your call,
Each one was special to me.
I understood everything.
I knew you in and out.

Our love was so pure
That I fell short to comprehend it.
I took you for granted
And went ahead for the world around.

Now, when I want to come back,
Something is stopping me.
I know you are at the end of the tunnel,
Standing with your arms open for me.
Yet,there lies something inside,
Which isn’t allowing me to run into you.

May be there is a guilt feeling,
Or a feeling of having lost my innocence.
Or a feeling of done stupid things under the charm of my innocence?
And realizing them now…
When you are far away…
I am hurt…
And I have no respite.

Look, now I realize,
How many times I have uttered “I” in these few lines.
It was never “WE”.
It was always “I”.
Never did I look at you.
In spite of falling in love with you,
I pestered my selfish “I”.
Did I fall in love with you?
Or I always kept loving my “I”?

I have no answers.
Only sobs, tears,
And a feeling of loss.
Of losing my “I”.
(Well, I am happy about it),
And of losing you
And of losing “Our Love”, “Our Life”, “Our Dreams”
And Our selves.

———————–

Five Days I Observed Her…Day V Monday, Mar 16 2009 

Day V

The last day it was,
I observed nothing of her.
She was nowhere,
Only her thoughts she left behind.

Every one was searching for her,
Women, men, alike.

She was gone somewhere,
No one knows.
Leaving my pen disturbed.

—————–

Five Days I Observed Her… Day IV Monday, Mar 16 2009 

Day IV

Fourth day it was,
“Progress day”, let’s say.
Now she opened her frock,
Offering a front view.
Revealing her breasts.

Stares increased,
Hunger increased…

Rest I leave for those,
Who like to imagine things.
I,as a woman, fail as a poet.
I can not describe her posture, then.

Though I have words,
They aren’t coming to the nip of my pen.
Offering hints, I can never do that.
I either say things, matter-of-factly,
Or never utter them, at all.
This, hence, has to be a trouble,
For your brain.
Understand my agony
And forgive me for your pain.

—————-

Five Days I Observed Her…Day III Monday, Mar 16 2009 

Day III

The third day was the same,
She,looking out for men,
Men,looking at her with hungry eyes,
Women,looking at her with shocked eyes,
And me, tracing every ones eyes.

Not once did I see her face,
Not once did she look up.
She only was trying to show everyone,
Her back,
Which she felt, was her “inviting” asset.

This time something had changed.
I observed her while coming back.
This time, the back was exposed more.
Sides of her breasts could be seen.
May be, to fill in an urge to touch them
Will bring men to her, she thought.

For the women staring, it was a shock.
A girl, she must be, of fifteen,
Definitely, not more than seventeen.
Aunties felt, “how could she do that?”.
Girls of her age,
They didn’t even dare to look at her.
“Why is she doing that?”, they thought.
I had no answers, but some general assumptions.
“May be she wants to earn.
May be she is tired of wandering
May be she is hungry for food.
May be she wants to fulfill her bodily hungers.”
Whatever be the reason,
She was the doing what she wanted.

——————-

Five Days I Observed Her… Day II Monday, Mar 16 2009 

Day II

When the next dawn came,
I saw her there.
In the same place,
With the same stance.

I don’t know of if she got the touch,
But was sure of the glance.
Not just men, but women, too,
Gave her that shocked look.
As if they had always been innocent
And oblivious to such moves.

She was in the same green frock,
Unzipped to expose the back,
In a frock, she was,
May be to tell of her being a virgin,
Or for those who choose the least penetrated lot.

Five days I observed her… Day I Monday, Mar 16 2009 

Day I

While on my way to the station,
I saw her lying down.
A tramp she was,
With nowhere to go,
She was lying near the bin.
What stuck me was her dress first,
That showed her open back.
A male, she wanted, to touch it
From others she wanted a stare.

Her hair was so untidy,
I wondered who would approach,
But I have heard of cannibals,
Who feed their hunger with “those”.

——————

Dance India Dance… the new dance show on Zee TV Sunday, Mar 15 2009 

Zee TV has always tried to outshine against the other rival channels, but to no avail. Its wide range of daily soaps do not contain the spark that a Star Plus or Sony TV or Star One offers. Though the storyline of all the soaps is almost similar and in competition with the competitors, the cast and crew is disappointing.

However, one sees Zee TV’s honest endeavors when it comes to bringing into limelight “true talent”. SaReGaMa was the first reality TV show which brought to the fore some of the best singers of the current times. Not only when the show was hosted by Sonu Nigam was the show a hit, even when Shaan took the responsibility of being an anchor, the show still had its charm. Shaan has a mellifluous voice, coupled with his passionate and sensuous treble and base vocals. (By now, you must know that I am a die hard fan of Shaan… met him just once and I still wonder how I sang before him… ehhhh… nostalgia…. what a day it was :)) umm hmm… we must be back to our topic. :p SaReGaMaPa showcased amazing talent. The singers were just brilliant. Of course, there were some mediocre singers but there were some others who belonged to the “superlative” clan. 🙂

After this talent (or let’s say “singer”) hunt, Zee went into search for some real good dancing jewels and they brought “Dance India Dance” to the fore. 🙂 I can not qoute the TRP of this show but I strongly believe that it is one of the best dance shows ever seen on Indian television. These days, where the audience has now become aware of TRP tricks, this show offers pure entertainment. Such a relief! (I am talking of least TRP tricks on this show, not of “NO TRP TRICKS” :p)

Whats best on this show is the whole “on-screen” team (except the anchors). Finest dancers, brilliant choreographers and sheer entertainment. These dancers explicitly reveal the passion that they hold for dance. Every move, every shake is full of verve. Creativity at its blossom. Expert comments. (though I am not a dancer, I am keen at listening to them. as if someone is enlightening me about the world called “dance”:)) The lifts, moves, the style with which these dancers perform is beyond words!!! (in fact, at some points, when these dancers perform such stunts, my heart palpitates fearing he/she would fall or get hurt… but they are winners, all of them.)They do not know fear… neither of losing themselves, nor of losing this battle. As a singer, I learn a great deal from these dancers.. Long live all art forms!!! 🙂

Holi Hain!!! Tuesday, Mar 10 2009 

The festival of Holi is here! People around me are so excited about it. I, too, am. But not for the color, not for the fun… I love to see the full moon on the night of Holi… The beauty of night’s reigning queen is beyond human comprehension. 🙂

As usual, I drift from the topic. Why I wanted to write this post was because I wanted to bring into limelight, the festival of colors. People get up early in the morning (normally on a holiday, they sleep for hours together to enjoy the day off). Then they walk out of their houses with loads of color and paint each others’ face. This is the face of the good Holi.

Now lets talk of the bad one. There are some miscreants who indulge in evil deeds. For them, Holi is the festival of enjoyment… of applying color on the cheeks and the body of beautiful women, girls around them… touching them by this means or the other… In fact, for many, Holi is the day when they are licensed to indulge in their licentiousness… of eve teasing… touching their female acquaintances and also those whom they do not know. At times, women complaint… and these miscreants say, “Holi Hain” (meaning I have the right to do this today)…

How, then, do we stop this? Someone tell me… It is for this reason that I do not play with colors on Holi… 😦

Passion for poetry…. Sunday, Mar 8 2009 

Guys, last night I read “Gitanjali”, a collection of Rabindranath Tagore’s poems. Unfortunately, I read the translated version 😦 Although what I read was a cut to cut translation, (hence it was in prose), it was an amazing experience. 🙂  This edition had a preface by W.B.Yeats written in 1912. Yeats was amazed at the immense talent, creativity and humility with which each and every word, every alphabet was woven into these poems. Yeats mentions that he always wondered why Tagore is held with so much reverie in his country. When he read his works (of course, translated), he was completely under a spell. Same was my case. Gitanjali transports you to another world, in the true sense of the term. It is a union of your soul with the metaphysical realm, without leaving aside your physical realm. It is about love, loving His beings, his things in whatever form you find them. Tagore pens of each and everyone, each and every thing with so much grace that you fall in love with everything… the skies, the stars, the grass and even the weeds. 🙂

Oh poor me! I again drift away from what I actually wanted to write. I have a friend of mine who is a known Marathi poet. When I had told him of having bought this book for myself (I bought Gitanjali one year ago and read it yesterday 😦 BAd Gurl, I know you must be saying this). He had, then, said, “Tagore is such a noble spirit and his poetry is of so much height that one must read him only in his original texts so as to understand a bit of him.” Being an eternal lazy bee, I just said, “Who’s going to learn Bengali for that? English is something I can understand at sight… so I am content with what I have (the translated version).” Yesterday, after reading some of his poems from Gitanjali, I realized I was wrong. What my friend said was right. If Tagore can keep you spell bound, elated with his translated works, how explosive will be the energy of his original works? How much calm will his pen provide when read in his native tongue? I must say, I am envious of everyone who knows to read, write and speak Bengali. Can someone teach me the language? I want to read the text in the original form? I do not want someone else to interpret the original for me? I do not want the food. I want to learn how to hunt. 🙂

I have known, till date, several people who’ve read loads of books (my collection is close to negligible). At times, I used to wonder how come they have the patience to read so much? I have felt this urge many a times.But never have I put it into practice. After reading Tagore (although in the translated version), I have understood what this thirst really is. Poetry has the capability to move a person from the remotest part of his soul. This is where passion develops and this when you become a good reader… knowing many things, yet oblivious to many.  🙂

Amidst Nature… Friday, Mar 6 2009 

Yesterday, after a long while (of almost 20 days) (* 1 year back, my physician had declared that I was suffering from “bipolar disorder“… and he had consoled me saying almost all artists suffer from this problem.. in fact,that is a sign of a brilliant creative person). So, back to our story, After a long long while, I experienced blues. Blues because I contemplated on my actions and thought patterns of the recent past and I came to the conclusion that I was absolutely disorganized…. least focused towards my goal…unable to do anything, lethargic… and worst of it, I was feeling hopeless.

Let me disclose something from the core of my heart. You know guys, I believe people who are shallow, who engage in trivial pursuits are the lucky ones. They don’t think too much and so they do not know their limitations or frustrations… of course, they pine for something else (which is most of the times, some materialistic goal) but that’s another story. People like me, who know what they are going through, feel all the more depressed. Sometimes, knowing and understanding your inner mind is a bigger danger than anything else, which is what I most of the times go through. 😦

Anyways, I am not here to talk of the negative vibes that I feel. So… back to my blues. I shared this with one of my chat friends. (This is one advantage of your chat list. The people to whom you open your heart aren’t the ones whom you meet generally. So, you can rest assured that you can be absolutely open about anything that goes on in your mind. Hence, I told him everything.) And he suggested I must go out for a walk or have a nap. The lazy person as I am always, I would have rather chosen the second option. But, to my surprise, I opted for the first.

I went for a walk. 😉 Thought, anywhich ways I have lose some extra pounds that I have put on. So, went ahead with a brisk walk to a place where I found nature, full of respite, serene and captivating.

I took my iPod with me, as I didn’t want any human voice to disturb me. I want to be alone, not lonely. 🙂 I listened to those songs which I had heard at least more than 100 times till date. But, yesterday,they sounded different..completely different. I just swayed with the rythm of the songs, the pull of the breeze. Many say, twilight brings gloom and so one musn’t be alone in the evenings. Yesterday, I experienced the opposite. 🙂

I can not word my experience. But I hope you now know what I felt, what I saw, what I heard… listening, eyeing, feeling the breeze… listening, eyeing, feeling nature…. listening, eyeing, feeling the calmer me… 🙂

Excited… Thursday, Mar 5 2009 

These days, I am truly excited about my readership.  Day by day, my readership is increasing! 🙂  Hence, one of the foremost tasks of the day is to log in to wordpress and check out the status of readership. Thanks to all you guys who are reading my posts, everyday, statistics show a rise in the number of times, my posts are being read… though they are less in number. I also thank wordpress for offering me this platform to express myself. Although people aren’t openly commenting on my posts, many of them have personally told me how much they’ve liked the write ups… how true each word is… how they’ve experienced the same feelings and were unable to write… I think, this has served my purpose. My intent in writing these posts is to make people read what they feel, rather than being confused with their own feelings. And feelings not only of love or sorrow (the most celebrated ones in all poetry and prose), but also of the common feelings they have… like when they are stuck up in a lift to when they have problems breathing when hit with a severe cold (these posts are in the making… so guys wait and watch ;)). To cut the long story short, it’s all about cognitive clarity. Many people possess these cognitive clarity but they are unable to word their thoughts. I am fortunate enough to possess this bliss.

Finally, I must thank all the posts which were written by me… someone else  (I don’t know who) told me to write them and so they are here. They have given me love from the readers, taught me how to maintain relationships with them, allowed me to showcase my talent as a poetess, have cleansed my soul and filled me with positive energy.

You know guys, this is the best thing about writing/blogging… in the process, you discover yourself… what else can one want from one’s hobby???

Love… Monday, Mar 2 2009 

In those times of lows and those ecstasies of highs, one feeling there was that kept me alive, “Love” as most call it. It is these rejuvenating droplets of the early dew called “Love” that soothed my soul when amidst a dark desert.:)

The best thing about love is that it keeps you engaged for all the time. Every moment, every breath of your life, you only think of your beloved, your love. And during these moments of lovely thoughts, Love teaches many other things as well. Patience, to begin with. Without patience, longing can not be enjoyed. Love is  a complicated feeling that lets you taste the juices of both, the pain of longing and the hope of meeting and melting with the Beloved.

Love makes sure it transforms you into a beautiful human being, close to a celestial one. It keeps you happy and content to such an extent that you are unable to treat anyone with contempt. It carves out the most beautiful sculpture out of you, throwing away all the trash that your nature has.

However, the most heart warming quality of Love is that it makes you and your beloved, an integral part of each others’ personality. You miss him/her, and at the same time, you are sure of the fact that he/she already knows your pains 🙂 Many people believe that your beloved is the one whom you can blindly trust upon, before whom you can express every thought and every feeling that comes to your mind… I believe, a beloved transcends this role…

You can share almost every joy, every sorrow with your closest friend as well. This is not the case with your beloved. Your beloved is inside you, you need not “speak” or “word” any thought or idea that flows through your mind. He/She already knows it. Love makes sure you become a part of your Beloved’s soul and he/she becomes part of you. 🙂

Relationships… Thursday, Feb 19 2009 

Every relationship has two participants. Depending on the involvement of the participants, one may determine who is the dominant one and who is the other. Who loves more than the other. This is not only the case with a love relationship, but in any relationship that you may find. A mother and child, a brother and sister, a father and daughter or between two friends. Things go fine when this relationship includes these two people. The moment the baggage of nostalgia or the shadow or the thoughts of a third person enters, or of the crowd around (people you know and talk of), it is then that the relationship starts decaying. And one fine day, comes the question, (indirectly of course), who is important? this third person or me??

You have to give an answer that avoids the storm. And your dear relation (the partner in the relationship) feels betrayed. H/She says, “your answer is self explanatory. You are more worried for this third person and you’ve shown me my position in your life.”

Your love is shattered, your relationship in pieces and you, depressed. How, then, do you calm the Tsunami that storms in your heart???

A poetess speaks… Monday, Feb 16 2009 

Make me not your Muse

Make me not your Muse,
Who stands like a portrait in your poems,
Lifeless and public.
Make me the energy of your poem.
Let me flow through your thoughts.
Let me be omnipresent in your works,
Something that can’t be seen,
But is there.
Let me breathe through your creativity,
Something that is continous;
A constant process which when stops
Takes life out of a thing.
Dont make me your pen;
Let me be the ink that writes,
The one that leaves a footprint,
That fills in an urge to be traced.

Immortalize this tiny sprite
As a bliss for
Loving you honestly…

——— Mrudgandhaa

A poem that allowed me no sleep this dawn… Monday, Feb 16 2009 

My soul wanders in search of some calm,
Roams across aimless paths,
At times walks along straight lines,
At times drifts across,
Enters a dark, unknown tunnel,
To find light at the end.
But to no response.
 
My soul wanders like a barking dog,
Eyeing each door, each turn,
With mouth watering expectations,
Barking so that someone will listen.
But loses hope like a puppy does.
 
My soul flies high like an eagle in the noon,
With no respite, bald in the heat,
Changing flights, observing from higher and higher,
Only to find, distance increasing.
 
My soul finds peace
When it comes to your shade.
That is where my pangs find an end.
It is a celestial feeling,
Deeper than the dark of the night,
Cooler than the face of the moon,
Warmer than the kiss of a love,
Peaceful and peaceful.
 
—Mrudgandhaa
16.02.09/04.45 am

Positive Energy… Wednesday, Feb 11 2009 

Recently, I was going through a relatively bad phase of my life, as many say. But, I came out of it in a few days and I am now heading in a completely new direction. Change is for the better! 🙂 And it is true. This failure has taught me a lot and I am really thankful to the person who has put me in this situation. I am also grateful to those who’ve shown their concern towards me, stood by me in this low time and made me stand up again.

In these moments of self revelation, I have eyed myself intently and discovered myself in a new way. Never before this have I come across my potential and observed my limitations so clearly. These “low days” have been my best gift ever. They’ve taught me to see the world and more importantly, myself in a new light. 🙂

Now, when I look back, I feel what an idiot I was. A stupid young lady who used to brood over every single thing and throw tantrums for every other. Will you believe (after reading these lines which reveal a flow of positivity) that I was suffering from major clinical depression? I know it’s hard to believe but you have no choice! 🙂

I found out, lately, what has created this new, vibrant me. It is Positive Energy. It is Positive Energy that people around me have gifted me and it is this same energy which keeps me going these days. So much so that, now, I can understand within a second (consciously), who is sending me positive vibes and who is not. 🙂 The simplest way with which I began, was by asking the other person “How are you?”  If this person says, “I am Great! How do you do?” then stay relaxed, this person is full of positive energy and this energy will fill you with the power that you need to go ahead. However, if you get a reply that begins with all the qualms and problems of this other person’s life, then beware. This person has negative energy and you need to stay away. Or else, this person will send you negative vibes and you may lose your soul in melancholy, just as this other person is. And then you get stuck up and so does your work and so does your progress.

I understand, the first question that rises, asks, “But if a person is fragile at heart? then?” Let me tell you, even I was the same kind. But now I have changed. Once you start gathering positive energy from all ends, you also start becoming one of the sources of positive energy. Your negative energy starts diminishing and your heart becomes stronger. Once the heart, the mind stronger and positive, you never have any negative emotions or qualms towards anything. Tell me your experiences… Awaiting…..

Waiting for You… Saturday, Feb 27 2010 

When these long hours traverse the night
To touch the bright, colorful dawn
I keep mumbling inside my mind
Of how much I love you
And how much I pine for you

I feel the pain of longing
As if I were walking on a lonely road
Without a shadow by my side.
I feel the bruise of distance
That time marks between us
When you are gone.

And then, I keep waiting
For your handsome face
To bestow a kiss on my cheek,
To assure me you are by my side
And I am under your spell…

————

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